Each week I speak with many private real estate coaching clients on coaching calls. These are agents working and serving all over the US and Canada and the interesting thing is that no matter which market you serve we all face similar challenges. Is your spouse or partner feeling neglected?

This blog post came from one of my podcasts so if you prefer to listen you can get it here www.alyssagranlund.com/88-2

This week I have had three clients struggling with the same thing. Their spouses felt neglected.

One’s client’s husband expressed it in this way. “I feel like I am in your way”.

This really hit home for me because I have been there. So, I thought I would share a small step I took with my husband and something that I have recommended to many clients to try which they have found has helped. Of course this is a never ending challenge and as our relationships go through seasons, we have to figure out how to be present in a way that is fulfilling for us and fulfilling for our partners.

We don’t want our spouses to feel neglected, they are a big part of the reason we working so hard, but sometimes as we are trying to serve our clients we may not realize our VIP’s are feeling neglected until something causes them to speak up or act out because they are hurt.

First of all if this is making you feel guilty about your relationships that is not my intention, I want you to know that you are not alone in this struggle. We all face this. This business is hard. It is demanding and it is all consuming. It’s more than a job, it is our life and our identity.

We are entrepreneurs and self employed and with that comes a lot of pressure and we need to wear a lot of hats.  If we are really working this business full time it is so much more than a 40 hour work week.

Being on call 24/7 can cause problems for us in relationships with our families and partners.

Especially if they are not self employed or bringing home any work home with them. It’s just not their normal.

The problem is our clients need to see us and communicate with us most of the time on nights and weekends and yet we have to work regular office hours to get much of our work done. If we try to back off on either the day time hours or the nights and weekends then we won’t have clients to work with and we won’t make any sales.

Often times we are pulled away from dinners, family events, Holiday’s, social events, kid’s events and it is frustrating but if we want to be successful in this crazy business then we know have to juggle it. We are not going to be able to get around missing some events or be 100% present all of the time. Unfortunately, it just comes with the job.

I am a big proponent of time blocking. That is not a topic I am going to talk about today. It is very important and I will cover it in another post.  But, if you are a time blocker, Great! This suggestion that I give today will come easy for you. If you’re not time blocking yet, then this may be a good time to start small with this idea.

What I want to discuss today is a baby step in keeping our relationships happy.

I want to suggest to you that you schedule a “Date Night”

Sounds simple right? Make a date with our partner and just show up. But, you and I both know if we set a date and a time we will get someone who calls or emails us and they want that particular time to see a house or list their house. We don’t want to miss out on the business so we will reschedule with our most important person in our world. I know I’m not the only one guilty of this. It’s a common problem and complaint in being a real estate agent.

So we have to do things differently.

What do your loved ones want? Your time, your undivided attention. To feel that you are in this life together. Moving forward together, they want to have shared experiences, create memories, to feel closer to you. Connected to you and not forgotten or feel like they are a burden an afterthought. This does take time but I want to share a secret with you. This doesn’t need to be a lot of time and it can be scheduled. It will be good for you too.

You don’t need to take a trip or to do something expensive or super creative. The secret is to be consistent. Like most things in life. What we feed grows.

Are you feeding your relationship?

This concept is I’m going to suggest not just for your partner. This is important for all of your most important relationships. Your parents, your kids, your cousin, your best friend. The VIP’s in your life.

For now we will use the example of your partner and make a plan to give them some love!

So first of all let me come clean and tell you if you don’t know I am in my second marriage. I don’t pretend to have all the answers! But I will share what has made a big difference in my 2^nd marriage.

When Craig and I got married my girls were 9 and 13. We have a blended family and there are lots of challenges that come with that. I was determined I would make this relationship work and he was too.

Craig traveled a lot for work and this really was a blessing because it gave me time to parent my kids and he also got a break from us. The weeks he was home though we had a commitment that we would have a date night every week. It was every Wednesday afternoon, from 4-6.

What? That sounds weird right?

Actually it was amazing.

We went out for happy hour, to the same place, the same booth and usually the same order of ½ priced nachos that we shared. Our only decision was did we want chicken or beef. We’d have a bowl of the free popcorn, he would have rum and coke and I would have a Sprite. After we were done we would get a free ice cream cone from the salad bar and eat those on the car ride home. Same date, every time and there was never a wait for a booth when we arrived.

It was perfect.

I could work during the day and if someone needed me that evening I had no issue scheduling it after our “date”. It was inexpensive, it was consistent and it was a foundational rock for our relationship to be healthy.  We needed that face to face time of just us. It was our thing.  He would always say “What do we have to talk about today?”  It was always talk about the kids and a lot of nothing really. But we treasured that time. And if we missed it we got really crabby. It was addicting. So we made it happen.

And I can tell you I never lost a piece of business from spending that time with him. Never. And I was selling 100 homes a year.  I also think we are still married today because of our date nights.

So here’s my challenge to you today:

Schedule a date night with the most important person in your life.

Talk with him or her about making it consistently happen every week.

Keep it a short timeframe you can both commit to it

Important!! ****Treat it like you would a listing appointment. If someone asks you for that time say “Sorry I have an appointment scheduled at that time but I can do x or y.” No exceptions!

Keep it inexpensive

Keep it simple-there’s no need to be super creative. It is the time together that is important

Keep it personal – (don’t go a movie) You need to be talking and looking eyeball to eyeball or doing an activity together you both love. (We Love to be frugal J)

Watch how your partner feels loved and you’ll feel fulfilled too!

Let me know if you have tired some variation of this idea or if you put this plan into action. Share with me what happens! Remember we are in this business to create a life we love.

Now go make it happen! I know you will be glad you did.

If you would like to check out my other blogs or podcast episodes go to alyssagranlund.com